


I'm Lost

by TheLaziestMotherfucker



Series: What Will Happen? [1]
Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Charlie's POV, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Third Person, post 1x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:43:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8774344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLaziestMotherfucker/pseuds/TheLaziestMotherfucker
Summary: What happened to Charlie after 1x08.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! It has been a long time since I posted any work. I'm sorry. I tried but I couldn't write anything that I liked. I will most likely not continue writing Destiel fanfiction. I kind of fell out of love with Destiel. I haven't felt any motivation to write fanfiction for any other tv show until now. I hope to continue writing more and longer Class fanfics, but who knows. I hope you enjoy this!

Slowly everyone left the room, eventually leaving only Charlie and Matteusz. He stumbled forward to the box that used to be the Cabinet of Souls. He closed the doors and glared at it for a moment. A sob tore out of him and he hid his face in his hands. Matteusz hugged him from behind, keeping him close. He screamed into the empty room, hands dropping to the arms that were wrapped around his waist. He wanted to run away but Matteusz's arms kept him still.

"It was supposed to kill me!" He shrieked in anguish. "It was supposed to be me! I was supposed to die!'" He couldn't tell which sentences he screamed in his head or out loud.

"No, no, no, no, Charlie," Matteusz muttered into his ear, crying as well. "I cannot lose you, too."

Who knows how long they stayed like that. April ran once she realized who she was and Ram chased after her. Tanya went to find her brothers. He couldn't remember when Miss Quill left. Once the two of them calmed down enough, he packed up the box and they left. He couldn't stop crying. He wanted to but the tears left his eyes. He couldn't control them. Matteusz kept an arm around his shoulder, reassuring himself that Charlie was actually alive. Charlie hated it because it reminded himself that he was alive.

The walk home was silent except for the occasional sniffs. When they arrived at their flat, they both instantly headed for their room upstairs. Miss Quill was in her room. He kept walking in a straight line to his bedroom. Once the door shut behind him, he threw the cabinet onto the floor. He stomped on it, trying to destroy it. He would've done more damage to it, but once again, Matteusz wrapped his arms around his waist, but this time he laced their fingers together to restrain Charlie. He pulled him off of the cabinet.

"I'm so stupid! They're all gone! They're gone!" He cried, trying to get out of Matteusz's grip without hurting him. His boyfriend rested his head against Charlie's. He choked on a sob and fell to his knees, taking the other boy with him. He didn't know what to do. The pain was unbearable.

Matteusz picked him up and took off his jacket and shirt. He handed him a pajama shirt and Charlie put it on. Then the same thing with his pants. Matteusz changed as well. Once he was done, he turned to Charlie. He cupped Charlie's face in his hands and kissed him gently. When they broke apart, Charlie whimpered, trying to keep the sob inside of him.

The two of them got into their bed, holding each other close. Matteusz rubbed circles onto the back while Charlie clinged to his shirt, worried that if he let go then he would lose Matteusz too. He rested his head on the other boy's chest, listening to his heart beat. He wouldn't blame him if he left. He turned into a monster and Matteusz deserved better. Why would he want to stay with Charlie? He saw what he did. How could anyone ever want him? How could anyone forgive him for his actions?

But in that moment, even if it didn't last, he was glad that he still had him. Tomorrow Matteusz might not make the same promise that he made to Charlie earlier that day, but right now he was still with him, and he was grateful. He would not blame Matteusz if he did not want to stay with Charlie. It would break him more than he already was, but he would not stop him.

He processed the day's events, trying to see if there was anyway that he could've stopped any of this from happening. He didn't know why he did it. It wouldn't change anything. Everyone that was killed would remain dead. He couldn't fix any of it. He wish he could.

Eventually Charlie faded away and fell asleep, letting the events of the day, haunt his dreams.

**1 MONTH LATER**

Charlie gasped and shot up in his bed. He frantically looked around the room, seeing the familiar surroundings of his room. He inhaled a shaky, deep breath, attempting to calm himself down. He took him a moment before he realized that he was crying. He buried his face in his hands and let a sob rip out of his throat. He slowly laid back down in the bed, hyperventilating from the fear and sobs. He grabbed the opposite pillow and brought it close to his chest, hoping that it would bring him some sort of comfort. It didn't.

He had a nightmare. A recurring one. These nightmares had been taunting him since he murdered the April and the Shadowkin. That was a month ago. He wished Miss Quill didn't save him. He wasn't worth saving. He didn't deserve to live while Ram's dad and Tanya's mum were both dead. It wasn't fair to them. Charlie dragged them into this, they shouldn't have to suffer. No one should. No one except him. He couldn't save his people and he couldn't save his friends. He's useless.

Everything has seemed to go to shit. The Bunghole Gang hasn't spoken in weeks. He can't eat. He can't sleep. Whenever he closes his eyes all he sees is April's face as he fires his gun. He sees Matteusz crying, begging him not to use the Cabinet of Souls. He sees the souls of every Rhodian being used to kill the Shadowkin. He's unable to focus on anything. All of this is causing is grades to slip. Charlie realized that not only was he useless, he was hopeless.

Him and Matteusz were still together. He didn't know how but they were. He couldn't stand himself and he didn't understand how his boyfriend was still with him. They were struggling though. That much was expected. They took turns alternating on the couch. They needed some space but not too much. He needed him.

He hesitantly got out of bed and walked down the stairs. He saw Matteusz sleeping soundly on the pull out couch. He slowly approached the bed, unsure if he actually should. He was second guessing himself. He decided to let his boyfriend sleep. He already felt like a burden, he shouldn't be more of one. He turned away and was starting to walk away when a voice stopped him. "Charlie?"

He slowly turned back around and faced Matteusz. "Hi. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," He whispered softly. "Go back to sleep."

"What is wrong?" Matteusz asked, voice tired from sleep. He held his hand out as a gesture for Charlie to come closer. He sat on the edge of the bed, lacing their fingers together. He was too frightened to speak, afraid of what might come out. More than anything, he wanted to be close to Matteusz, but at the same time he felt that he didn't deserve any comfort. "Hey, it is okay" Matteusz whispered gently, pulling Charlie towards him.

He didn't know that he had been crying. He wiped at his face as he let himself be pulled by Matteusz. "I'm sorry," He whimpered. He buried his face into the crook of his boyfriend's neck. "I couldn't sleep."

"Nightmare?" Matteusz asked, wrapping an arm around Charlie's shoulders. His hand ran up and down Charlie's back, soothing him. He nodded his head, trying his hardest not to let another cry tear through him. "What was it about?" He took a deep and shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it. "Are you alright?" He shook his head no again.

"What can I do?" He kissed Charlie's forehead and then his lips. He squeezed his shoulders, bringing Charlie closer to his body for one second. He smiled at the gesture.

"Just hold me," He responded. And that's what he did. They laid there in silence for a while. He wanted to fall asleep but he couldn't. The nightmare was still burning his eyelids. He was afraid to fall asleep in fear that the dream would come again. His guilt consumed him. "Do you still love me?" He whispered, tears falling from his eyes. "I don't blame you if you don't."

"What?" Matteusz took Charlie's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. He avoided eye contact and looked down. Fingers stroked the side of his face. "Charlie, look at me," Matteusz said gently, lifting Charlie's chin with his finger so he would. They locked eyes. "I promise to love you today. And tomorrow, I will make this promise again."

Charlie sobbed in his Mattuesz's hands, wanting to badly to hide but couldn't. "Why? I'm a monster! You said it yourself, if I murdered the Shadowkin then I would be a monster!"

Matteusz pressed a soft kiss to Charlie's forehead. He closed his eyes and shivered. They rested their foreheads against one another once the lips left his forehead. "What you did was not good. I wish that we found another way. I really do. I wish you did not do many of things that you did that day."

"Same here," Charlie interrupted for that one second.

"We all did the best we could. _You_ did the best you could. And in the end it just wasn't enough. It is not your fault." Matteusz kissed his forehead again and then his lips. He gave him a weak smile.

"Can I sleep here tonight? With you, I mean?" He looked in the other boy's eyes, hoping that he would say yes.

"Of course," Matteusz smiled. It was small and short lived, but it made Charlie feel happy for a second. It always made Charlie feel a bit better when he saw Matteusz smile, even more when that smile was meant for him. "Are you sure you want to sleep here? Why not upstairs?"

He nodded his head. "Yes, it would probably be better if we went upstairs." He took Matteusz by the hand and they went up the stairs hand in hand. Once they reached the bedroom, Charlie wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. They stood there for a moment, just relishing in each other's comfort. "Thank you," He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of his neck.

"For what?" Matteusz asked.

"For everything," He replied.

They got in the bed, arms wrapped around one another. He ran his fingers through Matteusz's hair out of habit, and he noted doing it. "I love you," He gasped. It had been awhile since he said it. Although they were still together, they had been distant.

"I love you too," Matteusz responded. They kissed one last time, wanting to make it last for more than a second. They wanted to let the other know how much they loved them, and that they will be there. When they broke apart, Matteusz spoke. "Now go to sleep," He told him gently. "And if you have anymore nightmares, just wake me."

Charlie didn't know how to handle any of this. He knew Matteusz disapproved his actions of using the cabinet. He didn't know if Ram and Tanya would ever forgive him for not using the cabinet sooner. He didn't know if he would ever be able to help April. He didn't know if any of them would ever forgive him for killing April. He knew for a fact that they will never be the same. But right then, while he laid there in his boyfriend's arms, he felt like they will find a way to fix everything. Everything will be okay. Everything had to end up okay,

It just had too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this! I hope my writing will improve.


End file.
